Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Parenting

Recently, I came across a rather obnoxious video in which a kid is being taught in a very wrong way. In fact, she is slapped hard by her own mother while being taught. What was more disturbing in it is the fact that the kid is just around 3-4 years old and all her rage and emotions against being taught aggressively is ruthlessly ignored. The kid turns quite violent too and pleads desperately asking her mother to tell politely but to no avail. Instead of realizing the gravity of the seriousness and the torture the kid is going through, the mother is recording the whole ordeal.
And just guess what the kid was being taught?! She was learning the numbers "1, 2, 3, 4, 5". This is like the first set of lessons one starts with. And how is it being handled? Atrocious!

I'm sure many of you would have already come across this video which I am talking about in Whatsapp groups or Facebook feeds or for that matter in the news articles. [11/09/2017 Updated: I had provided a youtube link to the video which apparently is removed now.]

And today I came across one more article which reported that she is singer Toshi's niece. But his statement about this whole incident astonishes me further. He says (sic):"Ek maa ki mamta hai, judgment nahi kar sakte hain. Jisne usko 9 months kokh mein rakha hai. Ab agar bachche zidd karenge toh unko padana likhana chod dein kya? Bachon ko paalna asaan nahi hota. (One can't judge a mother's love for the child by seeing a short video. If children throw tantrums, then should we stop teaching them? It's not easy to raise children)".
I wonder what's more pathetic, the attempt to convince or the reason provided.

Now, I know many would feel that this behavior of the concerned mother isn't a big deal. They would also say that this is not something unusual in this part of the world. They will even try to further explain that there is a need to be strict with the kids otherwise they would become stubborn, and beating the kids doesn't mean the parents don't love them and etc. But I have to disagree with those opinions. And I mean it.

I had my own share of experience while growing up, both at receiving end and at the other end as well. I remember my mom being strict on occasions but all she wanted was me to improve, to learn and be good at. And I also know her strictness doesn't mean that she loved me any less. On the contrary, she loved so she was hard on me and my siblings sometimes. In fact, I remember myself also being hard and aggressive with my brothers when I tutored them. And I regret being that way. Wish I knew how to be polite and also effective at the same time. In a way, we all tend to pick things from our parents or from the surroundings we grow and that carries through when we become parents. May be or may be not.
But what I know for sure is that this should stop. People should accept the fact that this is not the right way of teaching or parenting. They should try to acknowledge there are better ways do deal and accept that they were wrong. Nothing wrong in it. It only makes them a better person or a parent.

Frankly speaking, my journey as a father so far has been enriching. I surely have learnt a lot from my 5 year old kid than what he might have learnt from me. At times, I have seen myself being tough on my kid but seeing his reactions I have only learnt that my ways were wrong. It made me realize that I can manage things in a better way and be a better father. Someone rightly has said, 'When we become parents we don't teach, we learn'. I certainly know how the kids, being kids, test our patience and give every reason to lose our cool. But these are exactly the occasions which will show us whether we are good parents or not.

Going forward, I certainly wish to see one change in our society. We all should learn how to raise kids in the best possible manner, understand their feelings, understand how their mind works, the ill-effects of our actions and try to refrain from being hard on the kids unnecessarily. This change in society can only happen if we as an individuals try to learn things by watching others, by reading about kids and more importantly by being the best what we can be.

2 comments:

  1. Nice post Naveen.

    In the first half you spoke about the mother. Surely, she needs help in making parenting more fun. But I must say that the whole of the public critic have done great injustice to her and the kid. When things like these get viral(special thanks to Virat Kohli), think of what would happen to the mother. With just the video, we may not be identifying her, but all the neighbors of hers surely do. And think of how worse her situation would be and further how the mother child relationship would turn out to be. Corruption videos can be made viral, the guilty will at least fear and do their job well. But parenting mistakes can't be. A mother's parenting combined with guilt is more disastrous. All the mother needs is simple coaching but not public assault. For once, I am quite concerned about how Indian cricket captain had made a huge mistake in playing with the lives of the duo. He surely hit the ball wrong.

    The second part is about your experiences. I am with you completely. As a co-parent I completely relate with you. Till the child grows up an adult, it is more of a learning exercise than teaching.

    I wanted to comment, but perhaps I ended up writing a blog post myself :-)

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  2. Amruth, I agree the mother would be feeling awful. But I think she has to blame only herself for recording the episode and forwarding to others (Did she really think the video was funny ?). Anyways, instead of worrying about others judging her or her reputation, she has to introspect and understand that there was something wrong and which has to be corrected. And as far as the relationship between moms and children is, it's so wonderful and deep that such incidences and public outcry doesn't do any harm.
    Well, in a way this video and all the reactions from all the celebrities brought out a rather very important topic in front of the public which needs grave attention. I'm sure parents and others take parenting seriously, but again, there is always room for improvement and that's exactly what people have to take from all this.
    I also feel Virat & others didn't do anything wrong by putting forth their thoughts. It wasn't personal after all. Hey, don't you think you and me are also doing the same thing through this post?!

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